Saturday, November 10, 2007
I'm gonna include some irrelevant photos just cause i liked it there..the place i mean..yet also it was astonishing to realize how sick it was to live those couple of days the way i lived them!
It's like an emotional changeable mode...the disgusting part is that it's Adapted to others...imagine how exhausting that is?
You probably don't know what I'm talking about so please let me articulate although i know this is one NOT supposed to be published post but then again...what the hell!!
Porto Marina is a great place for lovers..relaxed couples Or cute families but NOT for disoriented singles.
A Luxurious room with a amazing sea view...and palms surrounding that shore with intimate light and amazing non stop great music..Freaking' alone isn't exactly fun...but i relaxed ..tried to enjoy and kept the thinking mill rolling and hurting.
It was a single refreshing yet not very satisfying night...it passed and to Alex...my dream city i went.
Alex is a beautiful beautiful place to go to especially winter time...it's glittering and shiny...waves are a great sound that would tickle your senses and with the sea view AGAIN i had a great couple of days...completely doped and in a dream I've always wished for...
And like life it had to end and while I'm driving back on the rainy highway...yeah it rained real good...have i told u i love rain and cloudy skies? Well i do...it beats the sweaty summer anytime!
Driving back...thinking non stop of the madness i got myself into and the crooked sick situation i let myself fall for...realizing how strange one can be when he adores something that is so wrong, hurtful, humiliating and yet seems to have an amnesiac state when ever it hits then awakes under piles of shit that can't be rinsed off..
Why are things this way...why i know that yet get paralyzed and crazy??
I have no ****** idea.
After months of trying to cure and mend and logic things right...AGAIN I'm back to square one..ZERO i mean!
Distortion ain't the meaning...this is not occupying for the sake of it and this is not just any fault..
This is knowing and believing the truth yet ignoring it for a lie.
This is facing reality within and screaming from fear.
Am i loosing it again? i don't want to be the fragile disturbed soul...i wanna be tough like i am...i wanna kill the bastard that weakens me...the bastard inside.
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On November, 10, 2007 6:54 PM , Qwaider قويدر
from United States
said:
from United States
said:Just impulses ... induced by the surroundings .. a temporary relapse..
This -too- will pass ... hang in there my friend
On November, 11, 2007 12:13 PM , thecaller
from Egypt
said:
from Egypt
said:Survival mechanism?
Interesting concept although it can't be generalized because many people don't look for love for survival..some live their whole lives without encountering it and some have it once and some replace it with other kinds of relations or emotions.
bottom line...it rarely makes sense...just crazy!
Thanks for seeing some positivity in this..and for being there.
Really appreaciated
On November, 11, 2007 12:14 PM , thecaller
from Egypt
said:
from Egypt
said:You're right Qwaider..absolutly right.
It has to pass!
Thanks friend 
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from Egypt
yes, i am familiar with the 'bastard' inside..actually i think i have a few of those in here...
love is a strange thing. it's not as simple as it's usually made out to be; either you're head over heels with a 'soul mate' or crying over a broken heart. There are so many shades of it and hidden feelings, but at the end i think it's a kind of survival mechanism, no more and no less. without being in love or finding love we would go insane. some sooner than others...
i respect you for wanting to confront inner demons and weaknesses, not many people are brave enough to do that.
Good luck and don't forget that you're not alone.