Perspective - The Caller

Last night was the first time i go out after Iftar since the beginning of Ramadan.

and it was merely business but It ended with a long open conversation with a friend while wondering the streets of Cairo.

I wallowed for the last time - hopefully - about the heart that has been broken...It was the first time i see the story i was telling as it is...without overrated facts...without hiding meanings....without delusions nor unnecessary cosmetic editing to tone down the cruelty that floods out from it.

And it was the first time i decide for real - not because it's what I'm supposed to say or do - that i WILL be detoxified from this tormenting addiction.

Several possibilities aroused in my mind as reasons for the past two years I lived in sorrow...Maybe i didn't let go because i was afraid of the emptiness after!

Maybe I didn't 'cause i was too proud to accept the deep scar!

Maybe I am just delusional and hoping that what's so really UGLY could turn out someday to be a beautiful thing that i know i deserve.

I thought...yet I knew...It has nothing to do with reasons and logic...no answer is the only right answer...and no explanation will ease things for me.

I saw a perspective that opens a door of hell yet opens an exit to relief.

I will be detoxified as soon as i stop wallowing...I will stop that vicious circle from screwing my soul...I will just stop...and now...is the end of it!